i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
