I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I am morally bankrupt
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
