sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
