we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
