I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
