I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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