in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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