i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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