My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
