My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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