about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
