So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
