Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
