Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
