This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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