mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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