Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
