Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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