3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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