Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
