Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
