the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
