so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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