Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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