Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
