Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
