I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
