I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They have beer where we have blood.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
