Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
