I'm jealous of your bromance
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
