Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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