dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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