So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
