I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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