I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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