she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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