you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
