I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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