I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
