Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
