OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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