More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
