my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
