She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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