how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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