how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I checked into jail on foursquare
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
