Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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