the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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