I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
