I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
